We made it. At 9am on Tuesday February 2nd 2010 my beautiful daughters Emily Rose Anita Russell and Faith Samantha Elaine Russell were born. After eight years, nine rounds of IVF in two countries, over forty thousand pounds, multiple doctors and multiple medical emergencies we finally made it.
And it's incredible. Sleep is a distant memory, we barely have time to eat and I've been peed on, pooed over and vomited across - life doesn't get any better than this.
As I'm writing I've got full, sleepy little girls snorking next to me and little time so..
Thank you.
Thank you to everyone who supported us financially and emotionally, who looked out for us, cared for us and treated us. There are so many people I couldn't possibly name them all here but you know who you are and you know what you mean to us. In the last eight years we've made friends across the globe as a result of what we've been through - it's been overwhelming. So to each and every one of you - we did it, and I'm totally blown away.
There is one person who I have to say a very special thank you to, however, and that's my amazing wife Elly.
Honey, no matter how dark things got, how awful times were and how hopeless everything looked, you never gave up. We got to where we are today as a result of your grit, determination and bloody-mindedness. Your faith in our ability to be parents is so far beyond "the extra mile" it astounds me. Thank you for giving me two utterly beautiful daughters and for giving me the chance to be a dad - something I never thought I'd get the chance to do.
You are truly and without exception, the most wonderful person I have ever known - thank you darling.
Sunday, 7 February 2010
Monday, 1 February 2010
Almost there
In about 12 hours I'll be a dad.
I've been repeating this, like some kind of religious mantra, for the last week (obviously with a realistic time estimate in place 12 hours) and it never gets old.
Our story has been told often enough (if you're a bit rusty read Elly's blog here) but finally, finally, we're nearly there.
At the moment I'm flicking between states of total excitement and the strangest feeling of "ohmigod whatthefuckhavewedone!!!????" so it's an odd place to be, but generally it's one of the happiest places I think I've ever been.
What are the kids going to look like? Are they REALLY both girls? Will one be outgoing and the other quiet? Will I have to live my entire life in the merciless videogame withering grip of Pippa Funnell?????
In 12 hours we'll know and it's going to be the longest 12 hours in history...
I've been repeating this, like some kind of religious mantra, for the last week (obviously with a realistic time estimate in place 12 hours) and it never gets old.
Our story has been told often enough (if you're a bit rusty read Elly's blog here) but finally, finally, we're nearly there.
At the moment I'm flicking between states of total excitement and the strangest feeling of "ohmigod whatthefuckhavewedone!!!????" so it's an odd place to be, but generally it's one of the happiest places I think I've ever been.
What are the kids going to look like? Are they REALLY both girls? Will one be outgoing and the other quiet? Will I have to live my entire life in the merciless videogame withering grip of Pippa Funnell?????
In 12 hours we'll know and it's going to be the longest 12 hours in history...
Friday, 29 January 2010
It's The Final Countdown...
Four days to go and, sadly, the words of poodle-haired Scandinavian rockers Europe are ringing in my ears, also, the excitement is building quite quickly now.
Everything is in place (including the car seats) and we've had our final check-up prior to C-Day next Tuesday. When the c-day was move forward, we were worried that we'd end up at the bottom of the list and have to wait hours for the procedure but it turns out all of the other mums on the planned list have already delivered so we're first up - at 8.30am!
Yesterday we had the community support health baby officer lady come round to see if "everything was Ok pre-birth" but the whole thing smacks of Big Brother to be honest - questions like "were you abused as a child" and "have you ever been mental or bled from the armpits" only lead me to believe the authorities are checking up to make sure we're not serial killers or baby eaters - annoying, but I suppose it's part of the process.
So, we're all ready. It's almost impossible to concentrate on anything at the moment and the last couple of days at work are a living hell. There's four days to go and all I want to do is run around screaming...
Everything is in place (including the car seats) and we've had our final check-up prior to C-Day next Tuesday. When the c-day was move forward, we were worried that we'd end up at the bottom of the list and have to wait hours for the procedure but it turns out all of the other mums on the planned list have already delivered so we're first up - at 8.30am!
Yesterday we had the community support health baby officer lady come round to see if "everything was Ok pre-birth" but the whole thing smacks of Big Brother to be honest - questions like "were you abused as a child" and "have you ever been mental or bled from the armpits" only lead me to believe the authorities are checking up to make sure we're not serial killers or baby eaters - annoying, but I suppose it's part of the process.
So, we're all ready. It's almost impossible to concentrate on anything at the moment and the last couple of days at work are a living hell. There's four days to go and all I want to do is run around screaming...
Friday, 22 January 2010
The best of times and the worst of times
Two big things happening in our world today, the c-section date has been moved so the twins are now due on February 2, and it's Matthew's birthday.
It's difficult to know how to feel, on the one hand I can't wait to meet the girls and on the other, there's a sense of incredible sadness. If he'd lived, my son would be racing round in a state of massive excitement, talking ten to the dozen and making a total nuisance of himself and I would have smiled through every minute of it. Sadly, he didn't make it and January 22 will always be tinged with a sense of incredible loss and sadness - there's a huge hole in my world and it'll never be filled.
I was always slightly suspicious of people who hung onto those who passed and who raised the subject year after year on a birthday and I don't think I ever understood the impact loss truly has. Nowadays I do and it's a terrible thing, 99% of the time it's fine, a very private thing between Elly and I and we like to keep it that way, but for one day a year it wells up inside and I can't help but think about what might have been - quite possibly daft I know but there will always be a part of me that will forever wonder what my son would have looked like, what he would have done and what kind of a person he would have been.
So, happy birthday little man - we'll never forget you and we'll never stop loving you even though you were with us for a heart-breakingly short time x x x
On a happier note, the c-section's been moved forward to February 2 so we're only ten days away (Elly insists it's 11 but I don't count the extra day because my accounting system is different!!). I get the feeling I should be building/organising/preparing something but I'm not sure what it is.... :) Just a couple of jobs around the house to organise and we'll be hugely over-ready - in your own time girls !!
It's difficult to know how to feel, on the one hand I can't wait to meet the girls and on the other, there's a sense of incredible sadness. If he'd lived, my son would be racing round in a state of massive excitement, talking ten to the dozen and making a total nuisance of himself and I would have smiled through every minute of it. Sadly, he didn't make it and January 22 will always be tinged with a sense of incredible loss and sadness - there's a huge hole in my world and it'll never be filled.
I was always slightly suspicious of people who hung onto those who passed and who raised the subject year after year on a birthday and I don't think I ever understood the impact loss truly has. Nowadays I do and it's a terrible thing, 99% of the time it's fine, a very private thing between Elly and I and we like to keep it that way, but for one day a year it wells up inside and I can't help but think about what might have been - quite possibly daft I know but there will always be a part of me that will forever wonder what my son would have looked like, what he would have done and what kind of a person he would have been.
So, happy birthday little man - we'll never forget you and we'll never stop loving you even though you were with us for a heart-breakingly short time x x x
On a happier note, the c-section's been moved forward to February 2 so we're only ten days away (Elly insists it's 11 but I don't count the extra day because my accounting system is different!!). I get the feeling I should be building/organising/preparing something but I'm not sure what it is.... :) Just a couple of jobs around the house to organise and we'll be hugely over-ready - in your own time girls !!
Wednesday, 20 January 2010
The final countdown...
Three weeks to go, possibly less and if Elly has her way it'll be later today, but at the most there's just three weeks of waiting left.
For Ell, it's getting more difficult by the day. Everything seems to ache and cause pain, uninterrupted sleep is a thing of the past and her feet are so swollen we can barely get her shoes on any more which makes going out increasingly tricky.
We're now taking things day-by-day and expecting something to happen at any/every moment. Every time there's a new pain we look at one another in a "this is it" kind of way until it passes - it's all quite surreal really.
At the moment time is passing insanely slowly, each day feels like a week and not knowing when something might happen is quite frustrating. I keep telling myself we have to be patient but it's REALLY difficult :)
At the moment there's not much to report. We have what will probably be our penultimate consultant appointment and scan tomorrow and we've up to Frimley weekly for the last few weeks as the doctors keep an eye on the suspected pre-eclapsia, though it hasn't really manifested itself yet, so tomorrow will see us back again.
Other then that, it's all quiet on the baby front which is probably a good thign as they get bigger and stronger prior to arrival :)
For Ell, it's getting more difficult by the day. Everything seems to ache and cause pain, uninterrupted sleep is a thing of the past and her feet are so swollen we can barely get her shoes on any more which makes going out increasingly tricky.
We're now taking things day-by-day and expecting something to happen at any/every moment. Every time there's a new pain we look at one another in a "this is it" kind of way until it passes - it's all quite surreal really.
At the moment time is passing insanely slowly, each day feels like a week and not knowing when something might happen is quite frustrating. I keep telling myself we have to be patient but it's REALLY difficult :)
At the moment there's not much to report. We have what will probably be our penultimate consultant appointment and scan tomorrow and we've up to Frimley weekly for the last few weeks as the doctors keep an eye on the suspected pre-eclapsia, though it hasn't really manifested itself yet, so tomorrow will see us back again.
Other then that, it's all quiet on the baby front which is probably a good thign as they get bigger and stronger prior to arrival :)
Tuesday, 12 January 2010
Ready, ready, ready, ready, ready...
In short, we're ready.
On Sunday, the replacement car seat part (that I broke when fitting the new covers) arrived, so we are now officially as ready as we'll ever be for the arrival of the twins.
Last week was a bit of a worry as a result of the heavy snow we had around home - 12 inches of the white stuff made it difficult to get around and I REALLY didn't want them to put in an appearance until it was safe and easy to get to the hospital - happily they're hanging on in there and with a bit of luck it'll be another week or two before the big day. That said it genuinely is only a week or two until February 10 - 30 days and counting down.
I think it's finally beginning to hit home that this is all real. After eight years, nine rounds of IVF and all of the baggage and worry that comes with it, I am finally going to be a dad. It's something that I resisted for the longest time (obviously) but now it feels just ... right.
The thought that someone will rely on me 100% is wierd, the fact it's twins is weirder and the added fact it's two girls is the weirdest but I'm ready, willing and (mostly) able for it now - tell the truth, I can't wait and every time Elly gets an odd pain or movement part of me is secretly hoping they're on the way! :)
So, week 35 is nearly halfway through and we're almost there. Kids - you can make an appearance whenever you're ready, daddy's here, waiting!!!
On Sunday, the replacement car seat part (that I broke when fitting the new covers) arrived, so we are now officially as ready as we'll ever be for the arrival of the twins.
Last week was a bit of a worry as a result of the heavy snow we had around home - 12 inches of the white stuff made it difficult to get around and I REALLY didn't want them to put in an appearance until it was safe and easy to get to the hospital - happily they're hanging on in there and with a bit of luck it'll be another week or two before the big day. That said it genuinely is only a week or two until February 10 - 30 days and counting down.
I think it's finally beginning to hit home that this is all real. After eight years, nine rounds of IVF and all of the baggage and worry that comes with it, I am finally going to be a dad. It's something that I resisted for the longest time (obviously) but now it feels just ... right.
The thought that someone will rely on me 100% is wierd, the fact it's twins is weirder and the added fact it's two girls is the weirdest but I'm ready, willing and (mostly) able for it now - tell the truth, I can't wait and every time Elly gets an odd pain or movement part of me is secretly hoping they're on the way! :)
So, week 35 is nearly halfway through and we're almost there. Kids - you can make an appearance whenever you're ready, daddy's here, waiting!!!
Sunday, 3 January 2010
Happy New Year!!
So, it's finally here - 2010 and before we know it, the kids will be here too :)
It's been a busy-ish Christmas considering Elly is hugely pregnant and we haven't really been anywhere. Our time has been divided between fixing PCs, sitting in front of the TV and completing our programme of nesting.
The good news is, the nursery is now complete and fully decorated, we also have a wardrobe full of very tiny clothes, a full allocation of cots, prams, moses baskets and nappy changing stations and with the exception of a polystyrene liner for a Maxi Cosi car seat we are ready to go.
And right now, I am so excited I can barely stand it.
This year, Christmas and New Year were just part of the wait for the girls to arrive, Elly and I decided not to bother with presents for each other (as we've already spent a nosebleeding amount of money on the kids) and it was very reserved in the Russell household - wait until next year when things will be massively different!!!
On New Year's Eve we got our first indication that things are moving along quite quickly. Elly went to Frimly Park for a routine scan and consultant appointment and we were told there's a good chance she's got early stage pre-eclampsia. At this stage it's not a big worry as her vital signs and stats are all in the "normal" region but if it develops to full-on eclampsia it can be very dangerous, even fatal for Elly and the girls - so we're not taking any risks...
When we went to see the consultant Ell was very firmly in favour of moving the day of the planned caesarian forward a week from February 10 to February 3, based on the delivery dates of a lot of our twin mum friends. We were told, in no uncertain terms, that if pre-eclampsia was the order of the day then 37 weeks was a virtual impossibility and it was more likely to be the next couple of weeks and involve extended hospital stays.
I don't think it'll be that bad - we should find out more this week as Ell has to go in for tests and monitoring and to see the consultant again - so fingers crossed.
One thing is (almost) certain now though - it's only a matter of a few weeks until we finally get to meet our little girls and I can't wait. Last night I had my first dream about them - the details are way too kooky to document but Elly also dreamt about them so it's a sure sign they're on the way soon. Once the spare car seat part arrives we'll be 100% ready, until then they have to stay put!!
I should be back to work tomorrow to start 2010 but as we're at the hospital I get stay of execution for one more day, though I will be working from home when we're not at Frimley.
Finally then, to anyone who actually reads this drivel, Happy New Year - I hope you're looking forward to it as much as I am!
It's been a busy-ish Christmas considering Elly is hugely pregnant and we haven't really been anywhere. Our time has been divided between fixing PCs, sitting in front of the TV and completing our programme of nesting.
The good news is, the nursery is now complete and fully decorated, we also have a wardrobe full of very tiny clothes, a full allocation of cots, prams, moses baskets and nappy changing stations and with the exception of a polystyrene liner for a Maxi Cosi car seat we are ready to go.
And right now, I am so excited I can barely stand it.
This year, Christmas and New Year were just part of the wait for the girls to arrive, Elly and I decided not to bother with presents for each other (as we've already spent a nosebleeding amount of money on the kids) and it was very reserved in the Russell household - wait until next year when things will be massively different!!!
On New Year's Eve we got our first indication that things are moving along quite quickly. Elly went to Frimly Park for a routine scan and consultant appointment and we were told there's a good chance she's got early stage pre-eclampsia. At this stage it's not a big worry as her vital signs and stats are all in the "normal" region but if it develops to full-on eclampsia it can be very dangerous, even fatal for Elly and the girls - so we're not taking any risks...
When we went to see the consultant Ell was very firmly in favour of moving the day of the planned caesarian forward a week from February 10 to February 3, based on the delivery dates of a lot of our twin mum friends. We were told, in no uncertain terms, that if pre-eclampsia was the order of the day then 37 weeks was a virtual impossibility and it was more likely to be the next couple of weeks and involve extended hospital stays.
I don't think it'll be that bad - we should find out more this week as Ell has to go in for tests and monitoring and to see the consultant again - so fingers crossed.
One thing is (almost) certain now though - it's only a matter of a few weeks until we finally get to meet our little girls and I can't wait. Last night I had my first dream about them - the details are way too kooky to document but Elly also dreamt about them so it's a sure sign they're on the way soon. Once the spare car seat part arrives we'll be 100% ready, until then they have to stay put!!
I should be back to work tomorrow to start 2010 but as we're at the hospital I get stay of execution for one more day, though I will be working from home when we're not at Frimley.
Finally then, to anyone who actually reads this drivel, Happy New Year - I hope you're looking forward to it as much as I am!
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