Golden showers

Bah! Yea, you heard me, bah! I'll even say it again - bah!!

There has been an evil new twist to changing time in the Russell household and to be be honest, I'm not happy with it.

Let's be straight about something - my children are cherubs, they are the single most beautiful children ever born, they will be rocket scientists and live life to the full. In short, however good you think your children are, mine are better - FACT!

But ...

They developed a nasty habit of peeing all over me. It's very intelligent, beautiful, life fulfilling pee but it's pee all the same.

I think it's probably a voiceless protest at the process of nappy changing but surely there are better ways to object to something? A poster campaign perhaps or t-shirts with slogans on, really ladies, there's no need for this!!!

.. and to make matters worse it's all cunningly planned and goes something like this..

Step 1. Fill current nappy with unmentionable substances.
Step 2. Cry until unsuspecting parent turns up and offers to change you.
Step 3. Remain silent until unsuspecting parent has removed outer garments and reaches for the sticky fastening tapes on the aforementioned nappy.
Step 4. SCREAM.
Step 5. CONTINUE SCREAMING.
Step 6. Don't stop to see if unsuspecting parent is listening , just SCREAM a bit more.
Step 7. Allow unsuspecting parent to remove nappy.
Step 8. Wait for gasps at horror at what you've produced.
Step 9. Look at ceiling nonchalantly while clean-up operation occurs.
Step 10. Wait for the exact second that unsuspecting parent has removed existing nappy and is as far away from a new one as is physically possible and ..
Step 11. Urinate like your life depends on it - if possible try to pee at least three times your own bodyweight over the unsuspecting parent, your own clothes, the changing mat, the cat, the wallpaper (etc etc)
Step 12. aaaaannnnnnd rest....

Oh, and one more thing... Make sure you do it at exactly 3.26am as this is the time when unsuspecting parent is least awake.

I love my children :)