Four days to go and, sadly, the words of poodle-haired Scandinavian rockers Europe are ringing in my ears, also, the excitement is building quite quickly now.
Everything is in place (including the car seats) and we've had our final check-up prior to C-Day next Tuesday. When the c-day was move forward, we were worried that we'd end up at the bottom of the list and have to wait hours for the procedure but it turns out all of the other mums on the planned list have already delivered so we're first up - at 8.30am!
Yesterday we had the community support health baby officer lady come round to see if "everything was Ok pre-birth" but the whole thing smacks of Big Brother to be honest - questions like "were you abused as a child" and "have you ever been mental or bled from the armpits" only lead me to believe the authorities are checking up to make sure we're not serial killers or baby eaters - annoying, but I suppose it's part of the process.
So, we're all ready. It's almost impossible to concentrate on anything at the moment and the last couple of days at work are a living hell. There's four days to go and all I want to do is run around screaming...
Friday, 29 January 2010
Friday, 22 January 2010
The best of times and the worst of times
Two big things happening in our world today, the c-section date has been moved so the twins are now due on February 2, and it's Matthew's birthday.
It's difficult to know how to feel, on the one hand I can't wait to meet the girls and on the other, there's a sense of incredible sadness. If he'd lived, my son would be racing round in a state of massive excitement, talking ten to the dozen and making a total nuisance of himself and I would have smiled through every minute of it. Sadly, he didn't make it and January 22 will always be tinged with a sense of incredible loss and sadness - there's a huge hole in my world and it'll never be filled.
I was always slightly suspicious of people who hung onto those who passed and who raised the subject year after year on a birthday and I don't think I ever understood the impact loss truly has. Nowadays I do and it's a terrible thing, 99% of the time it's fine, a very private thing between Elly and I and we like to keep it that way, but for one day a year it wells up inside and I can't help but think about what might have been - quite possibly daft I know but there will always be a part of me that will forever wonder what my son would have looked like, what he would have done and what kind of a person he would have been.
So, happy birthday little man - we'll never forget you and we'll never stop loving you even though you were with us for a heart-breakingly short time x x x
On a happier note, the c-section's been moved forward to February 2 so we're only ten days away (Elly insists it's 11 but I don't count the extra day because my accounting system is different!!). I get the feeling I should be building/organising/preparing something but I'm not sure what it is.... :) Just a couple of jobs around the house to organise and we'll be hugely over-ready - in your own time girls !!
It's difficult to know how to feel, on the one hand I can't wait to meet the girls and on the other, there's a sense of incredible sadness. If he'd lived, my son would be racing round in a state of massive excitement, talking ten to the dozen and making a total nuisance of himself and I would have smiled through every minute of it. Sadly, he didn't make it and January 22 will always be tinged with a sense of incredible loss and sadness - there's a huge hole in my world and it'll never be filled.
I was always slightly suspicious of people who hung onto those who passed and who raised the subject year after year on a birthday and I don't think I ever understood the impact loss truly has. Nowadays I do and it's a terrible thing, 99% of the time it's fine, a very private thing between Elly and I and we like to keep it that way, but for one day a year it wells up inside and I can't help but think about what might have been - quite possibly daft I know but there will always be a part of me that will forever wonder what my son would have looked like, what he would have done and what kind of a person he would have been.
So, happy birthday little man - we'll never forget you and we'll never stop loving you even though you were with us for a heart-breakingly short time x x x
On a happier note, the c-section's been moved forward to February 2 so we're only ten days away (Elly insists it's 11 but I don't count the extra day because my accounting system is different!!). I get the feeling I should be building/organising/preparing something but I'm not sure what it is.... :) Just a couple of jobs around the house to organise and we'll be hugely over-ready - in your own time girls !!
Wednesday, 20 January 2010
The final countdown...
Three weeks to go, possibly less and if Elly has her way it'll be later today, but at the most there's just three weeks of waiting left.
For Ell, it's getting more difficult by the day. Everything seems to ache and cause pain, uninterrupted sleep is a thing of the past and her feet are so swollen we can barely get her shoes on any more which makes going out increasingly tricky.
We're now taking things day-by-day and expecting something to happen at any/every moment. Every time there's a new pain we look at one another in a "this is it" kind of way until it passes - it's all quite surreal really.
At the moment time is passing insanely slowly, each day feels like a week and not knowing when something might happen is quite frustrating. I keep telling myself we have to be patient but it's REALLY difficult :)
At the moment there's not much to report. We have what will probably be our penultimate consultant appointment and scan tomorrow and we've up to Frimley weekly for the last few weeks as the doctors keep an eye on the suspected pre-eclapsia, though it hasn't really manifested itself yet, so tomorrow will see us back again.
Other then that, it's all quiet on the baby front which is probably a good thign as they get bigger and stronger prior to arrival :)
For Ell, it's getting more difficult by the day. Everything seems to ache and cause pain, uninterrupted sleep is a thing of the past and her feet are so swollen we can barely get her shoes on any more which makes going out increasingly tricky.
We're now taking things day-by-day and expecting something to happen at any/every moment. Every time there's a new pain we look at one another in a "this is it" kind of way until it passes - it's all quite surreal really.
At the moment time is passing insanely slowly, each day feels like a week and not knowing when something might happen is quite frustrating. I keep telling myself we have to be patient but it's REALLY difficult :)
At the moment there's not much to report. We have what will probably be our penultimate consultant appointment and scan tomorrow and we've up to Frimley weekly for the last few weeks as the doctors keep an eye on the suspected pre-eclapsia, though it hasn't really manifested itself yet, so tomorrow will see us back again.
Other then that, it's all quiet on the baby front which is probably a good thign as they get bigger and stronger prior to arrival :)
Tuesday, 12 January 2010
Ready, ready, ready, ready, ready...
In short, we're ready.
On Sunday, the replacement car seat part (that I broke when fitting the new covers) arrived, so we are now officially as ready as we'll ever be for the arrival of the twins.
Last week was a bit of a worry as a result of the heavy snow we had around home - 12 inches of the white stuff made it difficult to get around and I REALLY didn't want them to put in an appearance until it was safe and easy to get to the hospital - happily they're hanging on in there and with a bit of luck it'll be another week or two before the big day. That said it genuinely is only a week or two until February 10 - 30 days and counting down.
I think it's finally beginning to hit home that this is all real. After eight years, nine rounds of IVF and all of the baggage and worry that comes with it, I am finally going to be a dad. It's something that I resisted for the longest time (obviously) but now it feels just ... right.
The thought that someone will rely on me 100% is wierd, the fact it's twins is weirder and the added fact it's two girls is the weirdest but I'm ready, willing and (mostly) able for it now - tell the truth, I can't wait and every time Elly gets an odd pain or movement part of me is secretly hoping they're on the way! :)
So, week 35 is nearly halfway through and we're almost there. Kids - you can make an appearance whenever you're ready, daddy's here, waiting!!!
On Sunday, the replacement car seat part (that I broke when fitting the new covers) arrived, so we are now officially as ready as we'll ever be for the arrival of the twins.
Last week was a bit of a worry as a result of the heavy snow we had around home - 12 inches of the white stuff made it difficult to get around and I REALLY didn't want them to put in an appearance until it was safe and easy to get to the hospital - happily they're hanging on in there and with a bit of luck it'll be another week or two before the big day. That said it genuinely is only a week or two until February 10 - 30 days and counting down.
I think it's finally beginning to hit home that this is all real. After eight years, nine rounds of IVF and all of the baggage and worry that comes with it, I am finally going to be a dad. It's something that I resisted for the longest time (obviously) but now it feels just ... right.
The thought that someone will rely on me 100% is wierd, the fact it's twins is weirder and the added fact it's two girls is the weirdest but I'm ready, willing and (mostly) able for it now - tell the truth, I can't wait and every time Elly gets an odd pain or movement part of me is secretly hoping they're on the way! :)
So, week 35 is nearly halfway through and we're almost there. Kids - you can make an appearance whenever you're ready, daddy's here, waiting!!!
Sunday, 3 January 2010
Happy New Year!!
So, it's finally here - 2010 and before we know it, the kids will be here too :)
It's been a busy-ish Christmas considering Elly is hugely pregnant and we haven't really been anywhere. Our time has been divided between fixing PCs, sitting in front of the TV and completing our programme of nesting.
The good news is, the nursery is now complete and fully decorated, we also have a wardrobe full of very tiny clothes, a full allocation of cots, prams, moses baskets and nappy changing stations and with the exception of a polystyrene liner for a Maxi Cosi car seat we are ready to go.
And right now, I am so excited I can barely stand it.
This year, Christmas and New Year were just part of the wait for the girls to arrive, Elly and I decided not to bother with presents for each other (as we've already spent a nosebleeding amount of money on the kids) and it was very reserved in the Russell household - wait until next year when things will be massively different!!!
On New Year's Eve we got our first indication that things are moving along quite quickly. Elly went to Frimly Park for a routine scan and consultant appointment and we were told there's a good chance she's got early stage pre-eclampsia. At this stage it's not a big worry as her vital signs and stats are all in the "normal" region but if it develops to full-on eclampsia it can be very dangerous, even fatal for Elly and the girls - so we're not taking any risks...
When we went to see the consultant Ell was very firmly in favour of moving the day of the planned caesarian forward a week from February 10 to February 3, based on the delivery dates of a lot of our twin mum friends. We were told, in no uncertain terms, that if pre-eclampsia was the order of the day then 37 weeks was a virtual impossibility and it was more likely to be the next couple of weeks and involve extended hospital stays.
I don't think it'll be that bad - we should find out more this week as Ell has to go in for tests and monitoring and to see the consultant again - so fingers crossed.
One thing is (almost) certain now though - it's only a matter of a few weeks until we finally get to meet our little girls and I can't wait. Last night I had my first dream about them - the details are way too kooky to document but Elly also dreamt about them so it's a sure sign they're on the way soon. Once the spare car seat part arrives we'll be 100% ready, until then they have to stay put!!
I should be back to work tomorrow to start 2010 but as we're at the hospital I get stay of execution for one more day, though I will be working from home when we're not at Frimley.
Finally then, to anyone who actually reads this drivel, Happy New Year - I hope you're looking forward to it as much as I am!
It's been a busy-ish Christmas considering Elly is hugely pregnant and we haven't really been anywhere. Our time has been divided between fixing PCs, sitting in front of the TV and completing our programme of nesting.
The good news is, the nursery is now complete and fully decorated, we also have a wardrobe full of very tiny clothes, a full allocation of cots, prams, moses baskets and nappy changing stations and with the exception of a polystyrene liner for a Maxi Cosi car seat we are ready to go.
And right now, I am so excited I can barely stand it.
This year, Christmas and New Year were just part of the wait for the girls to arrive, Elly and I decided not to bother with presents for each other (as we've already spent a nosebleeding amount of money on the kids) and it was very reserved in the Russell household - wait until next year when things will be massively different!!!
On New Year's Eve we got our first indication that things are moving along quite quickly. Elly went to Frimly Park for a routine scan and consultant appointment and we were told there's a good chance she's got early stage pre-eclampsia. At this stage it's not a big worry as her vital signs and stats are all in the "normal" region but if it develops to full-on eclampsia it can be very dangerous, even fatal for Elly and the girls - so we're not taking any risks...
When we went to see the consultant Ell was very firmly in favour of moving the day of the planned caesarian forward a week from February 10 to February 3, based on the delivery dates of a lot of our twin mum friends. We were told, in no uncertain terms, that if pre-eclampsia was the order of the day then 37 weeks was a virtual impossibility and it was more likely to be the next couple of weeks and involve extended hospital stays.
I don't think it'll be that bad - we should find out more this week as Ell has to go in for tests and monitoring and to see the consultant again - so fingers crossed.
One thing is (almost) certain now though - it's only a matter of a few weeks until we finally get to meet our little girls and I can't wait. Last night I had my first dream about them - the details are way too kooky to document but Elly also dreamt about them so it's a sure sign they're on the way soon. Once the spare car seat part arrives we'll be 100% ready, until then they have to stay put!!
I should be back to work tomorrow to start 2010 but as we're at the hospital I get stay of execution for one more day, though I will be working from home when we're not at Frimley.
Finally then, to anyone who actually reads this drivel, Happy New Year - I hope you're looking forward to it as much as I am!
Monday, 14 December 2009
Bob the Builder ...
It's been a weekend of workman-type stuff at House o' Crussell as Elly and I get stuck into the whole idea of nesting.
The cotbeds are up, the house has been cleared of cardboard - enough to fill the entire car on Sunday!! - rooms have been tidied, clothes have been washed, bags packed, PCs built (another story entirely), electronics squared-away and we even managed to go shopping, pick up the urn for Mr Rash's ashes, return some stuff to Toys R Us and lay a new paving slab outside the front door so no-one trails mud into the house.
Elly continues to get ever bigger which is great news, though she is getting tired very quickly these days and has good days and bad days. The bad days are quite nasty really, lots of stretching pains and heartburn and there's nothing I can do except administer bedtime back rubs which sends her to sleep in minutes.
The Christmas tree has also made an appearance but it's a bit shorter than usual measuring a stour 5.5 feet rahter than the 10000 feet behemoth we've installed in the past. True to form half the lights have blown but it looks nice, smells festive and Mrs Squeaks has had a good root around the base so it's a bit of a winner really.
And so we race towards Xmas Day and all's well so far. The Braxton-Hicks contractions have stepped down a bit, due in part I think to extended sitting on the sofa and an increase in water intake. Our only aim now is to keep the girls where they are until next year so we can avoid any early trips to the Delivery Suite. Keep going kids x x x
The cotbeds are up, the house has been cleared of cardboard - enough to fill the entire car on Sunday!! - rooms have been tidied, clothes have been washed, bags packed, PCs built (another story entirely), electronics squared-away and we even managed to go shopping, pick up the urn for Mr Rash's ashes, return some stuff to Toys R Us and lay a new paving slab outside the front door so no-one trails mud into the house.
Elly continues to get ever bigger which is great news, though she is getting tired very quickly these days and has good days and bad days. The bad days are quite nasty really, lots of stretching pains and heartburn and there's nothing I can do except administer bedtime back rubs which sends her to sleep in minutes.
The Christmas tree has also made an appearance but it's a bit shorter than usual measuring a stour 5.5 feet rahter than the 10000 feet behemoth we've installed in the past. True to form half the lights have blown but it looks nice, smells festive and Mrs Squeaks has had a good root around the base so it's a bit of a winner really.
And so we race towards Xmas Day and all's well so far. The Braxton-Hicks contractions have stepped down a bit, due in part I think to extended sitting on the sofa and an increase in water intake. Our only aim now is to keep the girls where they are until next year so we can avoid any early trips to the Delivery Suite. Keep going kids x x x
Thursday, 10 December 2009
(A right) Carry On Matron...
Almost at 30 weeks and we've had our first run up to the hospital. A couple of days ago Elly started to get quite nasty Braxton-Hicks contractions which increased in frequency over 24 hours to the point where they were almost continuous (Braxton-Hicks are 'practice' contractions which are thought to be the body's way of preparing for the rigors of birth but which can signal the beginning of early onset labour).
A call to the delivery suite at Frimley Park and a dash home from work on the train later and we ended up at the hospital in the delivery suite for four hours of monitoring and steroid injections to help bring the twins' lungs on - it's a precautionary measure but worth taking as it will help their little lungs to prepare better in case of early delivery.
The visit to Frimley was odd, if only for the fact it was the first time we've been there since Matthew was born. Back then, there was a special room for families with serious problems - the Silver Room - but it seems it's been removed to make way for more delivery rooms. I'm quite glad really, it was a reminder of a sad time and I want the twins' arrival to be happy.
Anyways, the outcome of the visit was a good one, the kids have had their steroid shot and they're both OK so we're praying they hang on for another nine weeks or so. The only slightly disconcerting thing was the doctor who insisted on checking to see if Frimley's Special Care Baby Unit could handle twins at 29/30 weeks or if we'd need to be sent further afield in the case of a sudden delivery. We've talked about it quite a bit, and if we have a say we'd like to stay clear of London even if it means a transfer to Southampton or Bristol - both fair distances away but much easier to get to than London.
In any case, we won't need to debate the fact as Lazy Lamb and Kung Fu Chicken (blame Godmother Shelly for those particular monikers) are staying put till they're good and ready - daddy has already had words with them about that!
A call to the delivery suite at Frimley Park and a dash home from work on the train later and we ended up at the hospital in the delivery suite for four hours of monitoring and steroid injections to help bring the twins' lungs on - it's a precautionary measure but worth taking as it will help their little lungs to prepare better in case of early delivery.
The visit to Frimley was odd, if only for the fact it was the first time we've been there since Matthew was born. Back then, there was a special room for families with serious problems - the Silver Room - but it seems it's been removed to make way for more delivery rooms. I'm quite glad really, it was a reminder of a sad time and I want the twins' arrival to be happy.
Anyways, the outcome of the visit was a good one, the kids have had their steroid shot and they're both OK so we're praying they hang on for another nine weeks or so. The only slightly disconcerting thing was the doctor who insisted on checking to see if Frimley's Special Care Baby Unit could handle twins at 29/30 weeks or if we'd need to be sent further afield in the case of a sudden delivery. We've talked about it quite a bit, and if we have a say we'd like to stay clear of London even if it means a transfer to Southampton or Bristol - both fair distances away but much easier to get to than London.
In any case, we won't need to debate the fact as Lazy Lamb and Kung Fu Chicken (blame Godmother Shelly for those particular monikers) are staying put till they're good and ready - daddy has already had words with them about that!
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