Another day, another panic

The problem with IVF pregnancies is that they're difficult both from the "can we actually get you pregnant" perspective and then from the "let's make sure we can keep you pregnant" direction.

Almost two and a half years ago, we lost our baby boy, Matthew, who was born too early at 22 weeks and sadly died. Between then and now we haven't had a successful round of IVF so the twins which are currently floating around inside in Elly are incredibly precious to us.

About 12.30am today Elly got up to pee (it's a pregnancy thing as far as I can see, eating tomatoes and peeing are staples throughout the day and night) and a huge blood clot fell out. In "normal" pregnancies there shouldn't be bleeding, cramping or any other form of pain and/or discharge but in our case there's often a little spotting - tiny discharges which are quite normal, for us at least.

However, a blood clot is something different and can indicate a miscarriage so it's not to be taken lightly.

To say that the world fell away was something of an understatement. It felt like someone had torn my guts out and what's worse is that no-one can or will do anything about in the middle of the night - at eight weeks they're too small to save.

So, we've had a very restless night, followed by an unplanned trip to Frimley Park Hospital to see the staff of the Early Pregnancy Unit.

Happily, all is OK and the ultrasound showed two healthy fetuses with good strong heartbeats, though both if us were reduced to tears when we were told all was OK. There's something utterly wonderful about watching two fuzzy shapes on the scanner monitor and I could quite happily have stayed there for hours watching our kids-to-be bouncing around inside their mum. What's better is that they've started to form little arms and leg bumps so they really are beginning to look like tiny humans.

When we finally got out of the hospital I posted a quick message to FaceBook, just to let family & friends know what was happening, the number of responses which came back claiming 'the worrying goes on for 20 years' was quite staggering, only thing is, whatever comes our way after they're born can never be as bad as the worry we've got now.

Still, we got through another day and more importantly, they got through another day - that's 24 hours closer to when I can pick them up and give a cuddle... I can't wait.